![\"\"](\"https:\/\/socialcatfish.com\/scamfish\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Picture2.jpg\")
<\/p>\nIf you\u2019d asked me a month ago, if I\u2019d ever go on a Tinder date, I would have said \u201cno\u201d. But broken hearts will make you take more risks and here I am on a Tinder date, about to meet Jonathon.<\/p>\n
As he walks up, I notice right away that he has a shaved head and glasses. I knew he would, from his online photos, but because my last boyfriend (and accompanying broken heart) also had a shaved head, I had originally planned on swearing off the entire species of \u201chead shaved men\u201d, but I guess it\u2019s easy to want to break the rules when in search of love.<\/p>\n
We are meeting at a wine and cheese bar in my favorite beach town. We only met on Tinder the week before and have yet to even talk on the phone. Not only did we meet online, but Jonathon is my first ever Tinder date.<\/p>\n
Even though we swiped right and exchanged a few messages on Tinder, I originally saw his profile on OkCupid. I thought he sounded nice, but he never wrote to me there. What stood out about his profile was less about his looks (though he\u2019s \u201calright\u201d looking) and more that he\u2019s into politics, like I am, and likes to work out. Sure, maybe going to the gym isn\u2019t the most two people could have in common but it seemed better than nothing. His profile also said that he tries to see the best in others and since I\u2019d like someone to see the best in me, one date can\u2019t hurt!<\/p>\n
Jonathan is dressed in a button-down shirt and jeans. Preppy enough for the venue, but not altogether uncool. If he were on a reality television show, he\u2019d be the character that everyone would trust. As if knowing I\u2019m thinking this about him, he smiles warmly at me and we exchange a polite hug. So far, so good.<\/p>\n
I can tell by the look of relief in his eyes that he thinks I\u2019m pretty cute. His eyes are hazel and he wears glasses that give his face a trustworthy \u2018professor\u2019 sort of look, although he\u2019s actually a licensed Marriage And Family Therapist (MFT).<\/p>\n
I\u2019d always wanted to fall in love with a therapist\u2026 would have preferred a massage therapist, as my neck is always hurting, but MFT\u2019s are good at listening and I sure like to talk.<\/p>\n
His nose is more brazen than mine and his stubble\u00a0is gaining a white glow,\u00a0suburban rugged, even though he\u2019s only five years older than me. I left my own blonde hair flowing free with just enough curl from the warm weather.\u00a0I\u2019m clad in gray\u00a0skinny jeans and a black shirt with an acceptable neckline for a first date. As in, it gives a glimpse of cleavage without giving away the whole \u201cshow\u201d. I have a gold and silver shawl draped over my shoulders just in case we sit outside.\u00ad<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Before he arrived, I selected a\u00a0comfortable loveseat\u00a0at the back of the restaurant.\u00a0The only drawback to this venue is it can get crowded, loud, and seating can be hard to find as it\u2019s very popular.\u00a0After Jonathan walked up, the female server smiled\u00a0and winked at me, as if to say, \u201che\u2019s not so bad\u201d. She knew I was waiting on my (first ever!) Tinder date.<\/p>\n
There one problem already, I realize as he orders wine, politely asking what I want first.<\/p>\n
At 10, when my mother married a man with a dwindling supply of hair, I promised myself I\u2019d only marry men with lots of hair. Sure, I fell in love with one bald man, but we didn\u2019t marry, so -to date- I have kept that promise.<\/p>\n
As the waitress brings us wine (expensive, $18 a glass for the merlot we chose), I remind myself that surely there is more to love, monogamy, and commitment than hair\u2026 at least I hope there is.<\/em><\/p>\n Also, my target dating range is 37 to 42, which will naturally include a percentage of men with no hair.<\/p>\n \u201cBetter get used to it.\u201d I whisper to my ten-year-old inner child as Jonathan smiles warmly, again. I excuse myself to the lady\u2019s room after we order a fancy cheese plate and almonds. My internal dialogue as I place a\u00a0seat cover atop the toilet and think about the fact that I\u2019m Actually On A Date<\/em>\u00a0is that I promise myself not to get too caught up on minor details, like hair\u2026 or no hair!<\/p>\n As I sit back down next to Jonathon with a renewed sense of ease. I feel my inner confidence bubble up. I was always a \u201cgood\u201d dater. My dating philosophy is that either you\u2019ll like each other and have chemistry\u2026. or you won\u2019t! Besides, how hard can it be to talk over wine and cheese.<\/p>\n Turns out its pretty easy.<\/p>\n We order a second cabernet and begin talking about our careers, past and present. Jonathon used to work in entertainment and found it sucked the life out of him.<\/p>\n \u201cWorking as a therapist is actually my second profession.\u201d he admits and we begin talking about the process of therapy, how we both like and appreciate the medium. I make a joke about how some therapists are so awkward when they try and correspond to a patient\u2019s body language as a therapeutic tool. He laughs and admits he goes to a therapist himself, mostly to get ideas. I tell him I do too and we laugh again at the admittance. I tell him that he\u2019s my first new date in ages and he tells me I am his second.<\/p>\n We start to slowly chip away at the basics of our life stories, the first date versions- simplified but explanatory. He\u2019s a very good listener, though of course he\u2019s paid to be one. As I speak, he watches me with a look of reverence, as if he\u2019s impressed by the personality, attitude, and smarts coming out of my mouth. If this date were a job interview, I think I\u2019d be hired.<\/p>\n The waitress brings our cheese plate, almonds, and a side of fries with garlic. It\u2019s a good thing I don\u2019t kiss on the first date!<\/p>\n Jonathan tells me that all he ate for lunch was strawberries and we are both famished. I skip first date dainty hunger and actually eat the fries and cheese on crackers. Everything looks tasty and I take a picture of our cheese dish, he says he doesn\u2019t blame me as it looks divine.<\/p>\n We are offered another glass of wine by our experienced server and he says yes, but I pass, knowing two is my limit, and I probably won\u2019t even finish the second.<\/p>\n I tell him about having a young baby and that the father isn\u2019t involved, though my older children\u2019s father is. He talks about his own daughter, his ex, and\u00a0why his marriage ended. Turns out he isn\u2019t quite sure\u00a0why it ended.<\/p>\n He says he woke up one day and realized that he didn\u2019t want to be married anymore.<\/p>\n I feel a nervous feeling inside the part of me that looks for red flags.<\/p>\n RED FLAG, ALERT!<\/p>\n Shouldn<\/em>\u2019<\/em>t he, as a therapist, know exactly why his marriage ended and have been through the in<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s and out<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s of it in therapy? <\/em>I might be wrong in this, but I don\u2019t believe people just \u201cfall\u201d out of love. At the point I\u2019m at in my life now, I can guarantee I will never fall out of love with anyone<\/em> I genuinely give my heart to. Marriage and lifelong love require\u00a0time,\u00a0commitment, and work. If you do all three\u2026 with all you have, passion and love will not fade (or at least that\u2019s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night).<\/p>\n Then, a second thought emerges: What if all of this \u201cred flag\u201d business is an EXCUSE.<\/p>\n What if I<\/em>\u2019<\/em>m merely not physically attracted to him?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n I now feel like the \u201ctherapist\u201d as I talk about how the wounds people leave often deal with the trust they took advantage of.<\/p>\n We compare schedules with our kids and they\u2019re conflicting.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s okay.\u00a0I might be changing it up soon. My ex is really easy going about it and I\u2019ve been thinking about it already.\u201d he compromises, and I think it\u2019s sweet that he\u2019s already so able & willing to amend his schedule to see me.<\/p>\n I offer my credit card as I have to go, but he tells me he will take care of the $120 plus bill. Quality wine adds up fast. I think about how nice it is to be treated to something for a change and not paying for something myself. It feels nice to have someone take me out. I realize how starved I am for someone wanting to be around me and show me small acts of kindness.<\/p>\n We hug goodbye and he holds the hug for a split second longer, showing he\u2019s really interested. He asks if we can go out again sometime and I accept. Though, I always question if it\u2019s wise for guys to ask you out in person, on the first date.<\/p>\n\n On one hand it\u2019s good manners. It feels nice\u00a0to be on the receiving end of a second date request, as its confirmation that they honestly like you. BUT, on the flip side of the coin, it\u2019s always kind of awkward for the recipient, in this case me, as what can one really say to their face but YES, without potentially having a socially awkward moment. If my ideal match, heaven forbid, woke up and out of the blue decided they didn\u2019t love me, how would I handle it?\u00a0I\u2019d expect them to maintain loyalty, regardless\u2026 to work on themselves or the relationship until they did again.<\/p>\n However, I guess it\u2019s hard to find (or be) perfect.<\/p>\n Date #2, Coming Soon. Stay Posted!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you\u2019d asked me a month ago, if I\u2019d ever go on a Tinder date, I would have said \u201cno\u201d. But broken hearts will make you take more risks and here I am on a Tinder date, about to meet Jonathon. As he walks up, I notice right away that he has a shaved head […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":909,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[10,13],"class_list":["post-902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating","tag-first-date","tag-tinder"],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/wp.socialcatfish.cloud\/scamfish\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/tinder-jen-cover.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Jenni Walker","author_link":"https:\/\/wp.socialcatfish.cloud\/scamfish\/author\/jen-d\/"},"yoast_head":"\n
\nThis lingers in my mind as we talk about other relationships, other things. He confides in me about another woman who did break his heart and borrowed lots of his money, to add insult to injury.<\/p>\n
\nAfter the date, he writes that he had a nice time.\u00a0I say that I did too but tell him I have a busy few weeks coming up and I will be in touch\u2026 <\/em>but then I don\u2019t get in touch. I second guess this several times, but never end up getting in touch.
\nI\u2019m also uncertain how big a red flag someone waking up one day and deciding they \u201cdon\u2019t love someone\u201d is.<\/p>\n